december

In my line of work, I see things that I never thought I would ever see or would ever want to see. Everyday I see the impossible become possible. We are capable of so much these days, it makes me question whether anything is actually impossible anymore. We all go through life thinking that the worst has happened to us and that our tragedies are somehow unique and untouchable. Meanwhile people experience loss and grief so insurmountable it makes me wonder how they're still standing. I feel privileged to share in my patient's grief, I can't fully understand it yet somehow it's still mine.

I see families who put their lives on hold for months for the tiniest shred of hope that their little one will make it one more day. I see mothers who can't hold their newborn because of peripheral lines, arterial lines, morphine infusions, ventilators... I see dads who can't protect their newborn son or daughter because they don't really know what a desaturation is. I see the frustration, the disappointment and primarily, I see the guilt in their faces as they watch their baby. It awes me to witness something so natural, so instinctive.

The greatest lesson I've learned thus far in my short career as a neonatal nurse is that anyone can be touched. Plan, but with caution and remember that life is funny. It can throw you in directions you never even fathomed. My patients share with me their most vulnerable moments and their most wondrous moments. It is this thought that reminds me why I chose to be a nurse.